Statistic of the Week: Since the beginning of 2012, Broncos are at 15 wins and 10 losses when the temperature is 17 or higher. When the temperature is 16 or lower, they are at 2 wins and 10 losses.
On the field against the Raiders for the Monday night footy game the temperature started and 7 and went down from there. And yes, the Broncos were ice-cold. Lethargic. Sluggards. It’d be interesting to see the winning ratio for the Raiders with temperatures 7 degrees or less. These hardy Canberrans thrive in the cold: they must have ice in their veins.
And yes, the Raiders smashed the Broncos like guitars. They looked like Tony Abbott with a wall to punch or Paul Gallen with Nate Myles’ head: the Raiders were all over it.
But it wasn’t easy. The Raiders had to overcome two big obstacles on their way to success: first, the worst refereeing since the fall of the Berlin Wall and second, the curse of the Eel.
On the first matter, the penalty count was an outrageous 9 to 3. I’m not sure what issue the referees had with Canberra: maybe they hate round-a-bouts, or had a bad experience at Summer Nats, or were denied entry to Moose Heads the weekend before. Whatever the reason, they penalised the Green (Blue) Machine for everything: putting in a good tackle? Penalty. Rushing up in defence? Penalty. Looking like they were about to score a try? Penalty. Foot fault? Penalty. Double dribble? Penalty.
Yes, it is true, sporting fans. The referees even gave penalties against the Raiders for violations of the rules in games other than rugby league.
At one point the Raiders were on the attack, had the momentum with them, and were heading towards the line; that was until John Hoffman starting faking an injury forty metres away near the Canberra line. A Broncos trainer ran over to the referee, pleading for a stop in play – and got it. Play halted, Hoffman jumped to his feet and joined the now set Broncos defence. The referee pleaded against the complaints of the Raiders players and the booing crowd that he ‘wasn’t a doctor’. No, you’re not a doctor, you’re a goddam referee and you should know better. Now stop sniffing glue and let the damn game flow.
And if this obstacle alone were not difficult enough to surmount, for reasons not entirely clear the boys in green were given a blue stripe for the evening. One that looked exactly like an Eels jersey. The Parramatta Eels: a cursed club if ever there was one.
Confused reigned until I was informed via Twitter that the blue jersey was somehow related to a celebration of Canberra’s centenary.
Which makes some sense, as this town seems to be celebrating a hundred years by doing a bunch of shit no-one understands. Like commissioning someone to build a giant balloon shaped like a ten-titted whale, or piling up boulders next to Gungahlin Parkway and calling it a ‘sculpture’, or by giving the Canberra Raiders the colours of the Parramatta Eels to wear.
It’s just like the song “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas – no-one truly knows what it means.
There was also dog sled racing at half time. You read that right: a dog sled race. I’m not sure this was another ‘Centenary of Canberra’ celebration or an ode to the Canberra weather. Either way I liked it. A lot. If the NRL administration has any sense they’ll introduce dog sled racing at the half-time of every league game. If nothing else, it’s a damn sight more enjoyable than watching Tom Waterhouse.
In the end, the Raiders were victorious and fans got to see Queensland and Brisbane both lose in a single week. And that’s sweet.
Now I’m praying for a cold-snap across the country for the rest of the season. Ice-cold, every time the Raiders come out to play.
Edrick Lee – 3 points
Shaun Fensom – 2 points
Joel Thompson – 1 point